Saying that I don’t like fake is an understatement. It’s a lie to the people around me, and it’s also my way of trying to convince myself that I have my act together. It’s a game I played for a long time before something clicked and I realized that it’s okay to be myself. There is nobody else like me, and owning that reality was frightening; but I have found that while it may be difficult and uncomfortable to truly be my own person, I’m a lot less miserable and a lot more free then I was. Why should I clutch a security blanket when I can hold my Father’s hand?
But along the way, there are the days when I feel like I’m backsliding into a fake version of myself again. Similar to trying to be somebody I am not, going where God leads feels unnatural and uncomfortable at first and that is only because I am not used to it. When I try to be like everybody around me instead of being the person God made me to be, I am settling for a fake version of the real person I could be. Figuring things out takes time and failing along the way is a part of the growth process, but I need to constantly be evaluating who I am trying to be. When I am the real version of myself, I recognize that God has given me strengths and I strive to use them. I still struggle every day to be confident in my God given abilities, but if my focus is on Him and who He wants me to be I cannot go in the wrong direction. There are times I feel that I am being cocky – and I do constantly need to keep myself in check to avoid that – but there is nothing wrong with being confident in my abilities if I fully acknowledge where they can from and where they should ultimately be directed.
I’m not saying that I’ve figured it all out and am never fake, just that I’ve discovered the joy and fulfillment of being the person God created me to be and that it becomes more natural as I spend more time in this place. Letting go of fake is like cutting dead weight, and it is truly a relief when it is gone. After all, I don’t serve a fake God. He is real with us about who He is and who we are, and there is no chance of ever faking Him out. He calls me to be like Him, and that includes being real and honest with myself and others about who I really am. I’ve found that I get disoriented until I look to Him to tell me who I really am. Who can know me better than my Maker?
Proclaiming His Goodness 