For so many years, my faith was childish, not childlike. Even though I knew that God’s love is endlessly available, my flawed perspective of grace saw it with conditions attached – such as, you can have this if you promise to do better in the future. Like a child who negligently or accidently breaks an object and is afraid to tell their parents, I am afraid to take the brokenness in and around me to my Heavenly Father. I try to glue the pieces together myself or sweep it all under the rug, instead of handing the pieces to Him and acknowledging that I cannot fix any of it. Afraid of condemnation and shame, I stuff my broken actions and thoughts in exchange for my ideas of how I ‘ought’ to approach Him. Yes, I should approach Him with respect, acknowledging that He alone is the creator and ruler of all: however, if He loved me enough to die for all my sin, why do I think that He will be angry when I honestly approach Him with my sin and shame? Why do I think that He will shake His head at my pain and confusion, seeing me as a silly child who just hasn’t learned my lesson yet? I know His death on the cross means I can have eternal life with Him, but I am still learning about the relationship He wants to have with me right now.
I will never forget the first time I was completely honest with God. I could not hold in the anger and the pain anymore, and I had to tell Him about it. I didn’t know what His response would be, but it lacked something I didn’t realize I was expecting: reproach. There was no condemnation, no guilt, no shame. Just love. The times I have run to God bruised and bleeding, hurt and angry – those were the times He tangibly showed up and began the healing process.
Now, I see God and His grace differently. I see grace as a diving board into the abundant life of living as His child, as a daughter of the King of love. I see it as the beginning of the journey, not the destination.
“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.” ~Romans 5:1-2
Proclaiming His Goodness 