Leaving The Valley

“Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; He makes my feet like the deer’s; He makes me tread on my high places. ~ Habakkuk 3:17-19

How did I get here, I wondered.

Life had hit hard in recent months, but I was working hard to be strong and keep moving in the right direction. On the outside, I looked normal. Maybe older and more tired, but not much had changed. On the inside though, I did not recognize myself. I was riddled with anxiety and depression, ready to burst with pent up emotions.

But I was mostly confused. I was trying so hard to be a good Christian; to faithfully read my Bible and pray, to worship in the pain. This is what God wants from me, right? This is what every faithful Christian does. Then in the midst of all my efforts, major areas of my life only continued to deteriorate; so I just tried harder, with no different results.

Clearly, I was missing something.

Then one day, I was completely at the end of my rope. I was too tired to hold up the crumbling wall I had constructed, one that kept me from honestly talking to God (who am I to question Him?). This time, I let loose. I did not care anymore how wrong the blatant honesty felt. But Jesus knew (even though I didn’t) that answers were not what I needed then. In the pain, I needed love. In the exhaustion, I needed rest. So Jesus simply held me.

I had been so busy doing all the right things, but I was neglecting to just sit with my Father and be His daughter. I was trying to leave the wasted valley in my own strength, to forge my own path instead of following Jesus out of that awful place.

That was my turning point. That was the moment of healing that helped me see that there is more, and the beginning of my journey from the valley to the heights. My situation has changed very little, but it doesn’t matter so much. Jesus is leading, and He has given me a song to sing as I travel with Him.